A financial guide to LGBTQ+ family planning

By Darci Ham, Financial Planning Program Manager | Citizens Wealth Management

Building a family is a deeply personal and emotional process that can also be one of life's most fulfilling experiences. For members of the LGBTQ+ community, there are often additional layers of complexity, from navigating different paths to parenthood to planning for the people who depend on you. For some, it also means planning for possibilities that haven't always felt accessible or guaranteed.

For LGBTQ+ individuals, these realities can make financial planning feel overwhelming at times. However, a thoughtful approach and clear understanding of your goals can help create a sense of direction and stability as you move forward.

Start with the vision, not the numbers

Before thinking about costs or timelines, it can be helpful to step back and think about your vision for the future. Do you want to have children? If so, how many? What role might you play in supporting a partner, aging parent or someone in your chosen family? Starting with these questions can help clarify your priorities.

With clearly defined goals, you can begin exploring the paths that align with them. This may include fertility treatment, surrogacy or adoption. For others, family planning may center less on having children and more on building financial stability to support the people closest to you.

There's no single path that's right and your plan doesn't have to follow a traditional definition of family. However, by starting with your vision, the financial side of planning becomes more grounded. From there, it's easier to build a plan that supports your goals, timelines and the people who matter most.

The financial realities of different paths to parenthood

Whatever approach you choose, the costs and timelines can vary, but a clear picture of what's ahead makes it easier to plan financially and move forward with confidence.

IVF and assisted reproductive technology

IVF costs often require families to think in probabilities and timelines. Success rates vary widely and may require multiple attempts. Preparing for the process ahead of time can help you know what to expect and plan for costs accordingly.

Data from the Department of Health and Human Services shows that IVF can cost as much as $30,000 per cycle, depending on the treatments and medication, services included and location.¹

Thinking through timing, liquidity and financial flexibility makes it easier to set up realistic expectations for how long the process might take and budget for multiple attempts.

Surrogacy

Surrogacy is a multi-party process involving parents, a surrogate, medical professionals, legal counsel, donors and agencies. Because multiple parties and timelines are involved, the process requires thoughtful coordination.

Due to the multiple factors involved, surrogacy can be a significant cost. Averages range from $100,000 to $200,000, and can go much higher depending on surrogate compensation, medical expenses, agency services and legal fees, each tied to a different part of the process.²

It may help to view surrogacy as a series of connected costs rather than a single expense. Creating room for uncertainty in your financial plan allows for flexibility in case costs evolve throughout the process.

Adoption

Adoption often requires families to navigate systems, timelines and legal complexities. The process is a structured, multi-step journey that may involve birth families, agencies, legal professionals and courts working together.

On average, costs can range from $15,000 to $70,000 or more, depending on the path chosen.³ Families may work with a domestic or international agency, pursue a private adoption or adopt from foster care. Adoption may take years depending on timing, legal approvals and other circumstances.

For LGBTQ+ individuals and couples, the process can look different depending on where you live. Adoption often requires flexibility, especially with your financial plan, since you often incur expenses in stages and timelines can shift, so liquidity may be a key part of budgeting for it.

Additional cost considerations

Beyond the core costs of each path to parenthood, be sure to account for these expenses that don't always make the initial budget.

Legal protections and documentation

While the initial costs of family-building may be front and center, legal considerations also require significant financial planning. Treating legal planning as a core part of the budget can help avoid complications at critical moments.

Legal recognition of parental rights, family relationships and decision-making authority vary by state. Without protections in place, a partner or loved one may not be recognized in a medical setting, or decision-making authority could default to someone outside your chosen family structure.

Documents like health care proxies, powers of attorney, guardianship and parentage protections ensure that the people you trust are empowered to act on your behalf. Estate planning documents range from a few hundred to a few thousand dollars.⁴ Second-parent adoptions can cost up to $3,000.⁵ Budgeting for these expenses early can help ensure that legal protections are in place when they are needed most.

Caregiving beyond parenthood

For many LGBTQ+ individuals, family responsibility often extends beyond children to supporting parents, partners and friends. Research shows that they are more likely to be primary caregivers and provide care for friends and family compared to their peers.⁶ Over half of LGBTQ+ elder care recipients receive care from their partner, and 24% from a friend, and many do so without the traditional safety nets families rely on.⁷

And unlike family-building costs, which tend to have a defined endpoint, caregiving can be open-ended. Although this makes it more difficult to plan for, you can research some costs to know what to expect. For example, in-home care can run up to $35 an hour for a non-medical professional,⁸ and a semiprivate room in a nursing home averages about $9,800 per month in the U.S.⁹

These responsibilities may affect long-term savings, career decisions and emergency planning in ways that are easy to overlook. Understanding the costs and what funding options are available can make a difference when those moments arrive.

Preparing financially before the journey begins

A few foundational moves at the start can help support changing plans as you navigate what comes next.

Build flexibility into your plan

Preparing for a range of outcomes may help reduce financial stress. For example, rather than budgeting for a single IVF cycle or adoption timeline, consider building in a contingency reserve and dedicated savings for the process. These funds could be used to cover delays, additional steps or shifts in direction without derailing the broader plan.

Review employer benefits carefully

Review the family planning benefits available through your employer. Many companies offer benefits that assist with offsetting costs, including paid leave, fertility treatment coverage, adoption or surrogacy reimbursement, and legal or counseling support. These benefits are often underused because employees don't realize what's available.

Think about portability

A job change, relocation or shifting legal environment affects everything from your employer benefits to your parental rights. What's straightforward in one state may require additional steps in another, so think through how your plans may travel with you to avoid surprises.

Avoid common family planning mistakes

Understanding where plans most often fall short helps you build one that holds up if things change or paths shift.

• Plan for all possible outcomes: These journeys rarely follow a straight line, so preparing with adaptability in mind can hold up better than one built around the best-case scenario.
• Don't delay legal planning: Putting health care proxies, powers of attorney and parentage protections in place early makes it easier to ensure everything is set for when you need it.
• Know the laws where you live: State laws around adoption, surrogacy, parental rights and caregiving may differ. Understanding how your plan holds up across different states can help you build for the long term.

Planning for the full journey

LGBTQ+ family-building is rarely about a single milestone or expense. It's a process that has many personal and financial decisions along the way.

Having a financial plan in place won't remove every uncertainty, but it can help you feel more prepared for what lies ahead and allow you to adapt as your plans evolve. Most importantly, it can help ensure that your financial decisions stay connected to the people you care about and the life you're building together.

As you're thinking through building your family, it may help to talk with someone who understands both the financial and personal considerations involved. A Citizens Wealth Advisor can help create a plan that aligns with your priorities, values and family goals.

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