The sandwich generation: How to manage the needs of your parents and your kids.

Tina Hurley Senior Vice President | Head of Advice, Planning and Product | Citizens Wealth Management

As a strategic partner who helps clients navigate and grow in changing circumstances, Tina is responsible for the direct management of the Wealth Management Product Team, including the investment platform and a team of CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professionals serving all segments of net worth.

The sandwich generation refers to adults typically in the age range of 35–54, who take on the responsibility of caring for their aging parents while raising children of their own. These responsibilities can create emotional, legal and financial stress. Acting as a multigenerational caregiver can also distract the individual from accomplishing their personal financial goals.

While cultural influences, family size (and structure) and geographic proximity can influence these responsibilities, it's certain that without a plan in place to address the nuances and expectations of care, this kind of situation can be tricky to navigate.

The stress of the sandwich generation

The stress of the sandwich generation can be felt by fathers and mothers, but a study by the American Psychological Association reveals that despite 2 in 5 people ages 35–54 feeling overextended, more women than men report experiencing extreme stress in this age group. This can be attributed to traditional gender norms, with mothers being more involved in caring for growing children and their aging parents at the same time.

While the stress experienced is not always tied to the physical and emotional demands of being a caregiver, some of it can include:

• Affording family financial obligations
• Paying for long-term care for aging parents
• Handling estate planning for parents and oneself
• Worrying about life insurance
• Planning for children's college education
• Planning for one's own retirement

How to manage being a dual caregiver

If you anticipate being in the sandwich generation, or a dual caregiving situation, it's wise to prepare early. Here are some tips:

Discuss the situation

Consider opening the lines of communication with your aging parents, using broad conversations about their finances. Warm up with questions on whether they've given much thought to what retirement will be like or what they hope to do with their time. Gradually broaching the subject may smooth the way when deeper discussions about specific financial details need to take place. Financial planning is key.

Get other family members involved

Depending on their ages, you might consider speaking with your children as well. Explain what's happening and how taking care of "nana" will affect your family's time and budget. Remember, children need to feel heard. Listen to their concerns without judgment. Encourage questions and answer honestly and directly. You might feel uncomfortable involving your kids in financial discussions, but being open now can help set expectations about family finances.

Have reasonable expectations

Be honest with yourself about the amount of care you can provide and afford — physically, mentally and financially. And remember, you need to look after yourself before taking care of others. This includes watching out for your own savings.

Set clear boundaries on both sides

When acting as a caregiver for multiple generations, it becomes even more important to set limits and make space for yourself. Consider how much help you'll need to provide care for each family member.

Questions to help evaluate your situation

Evaluate the impact of care on your time. Aging relatives and children should know what to expect. With the following information and an assessment of your own finances, you can begin to understand the shape of your caregiving role. You'll need to evaluate:

• Children. What are their education expenses, extracurricular activities and any special-needs requirements? Your children may expect you to pay for their car or higher education. The responsibility of multigenerational care can make such things difficult, if not impossible, to provide. Being open with all involved about what you can and can't afford will help set realistic expectations.
• Long-term care considerations. Will an older relative need intermittent help or daily care while living under your roof? Do they have limited resources to pay for their own expenses, and how long will those expenses last? Or are they financially secure? Assess your parents' overall financial situation, including their real estate, retirement savings and insurance plans. Have your parents been planning for retirement? Sources of income during retirement could come from employment, property rent, Social Security, pensions, investments, annuities and governmental subsidies. Don't forget to factor in liabilities, like mortgages and credit card debt.
• Yourself. Are you prepared to balance these expanded responsibilities while still caring for yourself? Keep in mind, being responsible for more than one generation is like working overtime or taking a second job. Neglecting yourself can lead to burnout.

Legal and financial considerations for the sandwich generation

Everyone's circumstances are different. Be sure to work with trusted professionals, such as an estate attorney and certified public accountant, to meet your parents' unique needs. Here are some things these professionals can help establish:

• Will and estate plan. These documents protect assets from most tax and Medicaid recovery attempts, determine who will handle estate responsibilities at the time of death and name those who will inherit remaining assets.
• Power of attorney. This document grants broad or limited authority to navigate decisions about one's property, finances, investments or medical care.
• Health care proxy. This allows a patient to appoint an agent to make health care decisions on their behalf when the patient is incapable of making and executing those decisions.

What help can dual caregivers seek?

You may not need to shoulder the burden of caregiving alone. There are likely others around who can help. Make note of the responsibilities you'd feel comfortable sharing and with whom you might share them. A helping hand can feel like a gift, but you'll need to ask. Here are some ideas of where and whom to turn to for help:

Talk to siblings, aunts/uncles and friends

Take inventory of which friends or family members may perform some duties. Who do you trust to watch your kids? Who can drive your parents to doctor's appointments? Depending on her health, you may even ask "nana" to look after her "grands" from time to time.

Look into hiring respite care

Professionals provide short-term relief for primary caregivers, supplying a much-needed break. Visits can be arranged for any length of time, from an afternoon to a few weeks. Bear in mind, most insurance plans don't cover these costs.

Get your children involved

Helping out can give kids a sense of importance and belonging, so let them pitch in where they feel comfortable. On the other hand, you should also let your children express discomfort with helping. It's important to respect a young person's decisions about how and when to get involved. Amid all of this, it can be challenging to find time to show your child he or she is special to you. When possible, set aside solo time for each son or daughter, so you can be fully present.

Successfully navigating the sandwich generation

Juggling the responsibilities of caring for parents and children simultaneously may be challenging, but it is not insurmountable. Open and honest communication, as well as smart financial planning, can make it easier to balance your needs with the needs of your loved ones.

Looking for more advice on how to juggle your financial needs? A Citizens Wealth Advisor can help. Follow the link below to request a call today.

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